Tragic death on Nato Yolu

A military inductee was tragically killed yesterday in a collision with a bus on Nato Yolu at 11 pm. last night.
The man, 19 year old Ozan Alparslan, was driving a white 2005 Renault Broadway on the wrong side of the road. He had been drinking and was going 20 kph over the speed limit on the wet ground when he smashed into an oncoming IETT bus. The Bus driver survived with only a broken arm, but Ozan who hadn’t been wearing his seat belt, was thrown headfirst through the windshield and was killed instantly in the collision. The unfortunate youth had just been celebrating his last night with his friends before he had to join up with his regiment in the morning. The bus driver Cem Bayir was admitted to the Medicana Hospital and stayed overnight. He was released this morning from the hospital and is going to be fine. On his release he told us, “This is a very tragic accident, especially for one so young. I saw him coming head on at me and switched to the left lane; unfortunately he switched at the same time and plowed right into the front of my bus.”

Genetically enhanced Egg found DEAD!

A talking egg has been found dead at the base of the castle walls. The whole event is shrouded in mystery. So many unanswered questions surround this unfortunate event. How could this egg talk? Was he a genetically modified freak? And why the heck would anyone name him Humpty Dumpty? The biggest question of all was what's with the king's horses and king's men!? Where was the doctor? Where was the surgeon? Instead they had hoofed beasts and pompous nobility randomly trying to fix a genetically enhanced egg. This is one thing I can't believe has been overlooked. If this event doesn't prove an incompetent government, then I don't know what will.
We have had a statement from Humpty Dumpty's best friend, Woot Woot, who claims that Humpty had a knack for sitting on high places and if he fell, then he must have been pushed. Who would have wanted to hurt this egg? Did he owe someone money? or was it just an unfortunate accident? Speculation continues but nothing is certain.